You know, you get promised something and pay $14.50 to see it and sit through two hours and the movie ends and you sit through the credits hoping for a post credits reveal and STILL NO MARTIAN!!!

Instead you get a remake of Marooned (without Gregory Peck or Gene Hackman, by the way) with Red Planet’s climax shoe-horned in! (Without Val Kilmer or Carrie-Anne Moss!)

This concludes my review of “The Martian”. I just saved you $14.50 and two hours of your life. You’re welcome.

Oh, by the way … NO BLEEPING MARTIAN!!!